Before leaving Knoxville, I had planned to renew the year decal on my license plate, get with my insurance company to see if anything additional information needed to be given before temporarily transferring to a new location, get the front and rear tires switched on the vehicle (front tires are much too bald, on the corners from not having them rotated and balanced, when Jack was in the hospital), front end alignent, etc. July 21 was supposed to be the day I left Knoxville, to stay with 2 very close friends in Pensacola, Florida. Instead, I woke up around 3:15 AM, on the morning of July 20, and was rather disgusted with the fact that I had not slept, yet again, for more than a couple of hours. Had my coffee, then sat and watched some local news. Once that was over, I made a quick breakfast. After that, I sat back down and began putting my list together on what loose ends needed to be tied, before leaving the following day. I began losing concentration, thinking about so many things from the past 4 years that had brought me down to such a low point, what all had caused me to age so terribly, what all had brought my mind to the point where I should not have been able to take my dosage of meds down to the bare minimum (but somehow, it managed to happen), wondering just how numb my mind had become, or if any of the aforementioned played a part in taking me to where I had ended up, or not.
As I continued sitting in my recliner, pondering the bombardment of questions, something in the back of my mind kept inching and budging its way up toward the front. In the beginning of the bombardment, I wasn't aware of what the intrusion was. For a short while beyond the beginning, I still didn't know, because question after question began cropping out spots of my mind. As always, I had allowed my mind to address and/or entertain the scenarios behind questions about my life, be it about the past or the present. The drawback to be doing that is how my mind will almost always end up neglecting what is truly important, because my mind suddenly became occupied from entertaining and/or addressing the past or present. That day is when a change came about.
It was not very long before the unknown something, from the back of my mind, had inched beyond halfway through my mind, and was fast approaching the front. Little by little, the phrase, "GET OUT. GET OUT, NOW!!" began shouting to me, from a distance, though getting louder with each 'scream out' of the phrase, as the passing of time began to fly, and it often does.
By 10:45 AM, the phrase was at the peak of volume and urgency: "GET OUT! GET OUT, NOW!!!!" And, when the shout of that phrase was close enough to the front of my mind, all I could no longer think about what loose ends needed to be tied up, what last minute items needed to be addressed, or even washing the skillet and plate that I used for breakfast.
I stopped just short of jumping out of my chair, and began angrily cramming everything from that room into one bag, after another. I found one of the workers in housekeeping and asked if she wanted a perfectly good 32 inch color television for $20. She called her son to bring the money to her, and he arrived within 15 minutes. Away it went. Had I been thinking any better, I could have sold my recliner for around the same price....a $1200.00 La-Z-Boy recliner, albeit quite an oldie, but in near perfect condition, despite a minimal amount of discoloration along the very front. Since the idea of thinking had left the building, I told the lady in housekeeping to either take it home, or find someone who would, because it was simply too nice to end up in a dumpster. To my knowledge, it was taken.
Suffice to say, I ignored every single loose end that I should have tied up, I ignored doing anything and everything to my vehicle, simply filled up the gas tank and hit Interstate 40/75 around 12:45 PM, to leave Knoxville.
My biggest regret of leaving the state with such a degree of urgency was, is, and always will be the fact that I did not pay a visit to Jack's grave to at least say 'goodbye', in person, ask for blessings as I began my journey south, clean any weeds around the tombstone, then leave. I still feel bad about not making that detour, but I can't turn back the clock.
Once I hit the interstate to head south for Florida, I only made one stop for the entire trip and that was only to refill the gas tank. That took all of less than 10 minutes, and I was back on the interstate, again. Keep in mind that I don't own a GPS, I did not use a map or atlas, and I still pulled into the apartment complex of my destination at 8:00 PM, Central time....just as the sun disappeared from the sky, for the evening. I had my moments of fear, while driving down here....fears about a tire blowing out, fears about a possible coolant leak and/or the oil pump quitting on me, etc, just the average vehicle stuff which us adults over 25 years old begin to think about, while travelling. But, I made it here without a single problem. If there was ever a time when I KNOW Jack was closely watching over me, it was on July 20, 2011. Other than the occassional fear, I went through my route down here as if the vehicle was brand new and drove fast enough that the front tires caused most of the vehicle to slightly jitter. Did I care, at the time (at least for 95% of it)? Hell no. Would I do that, again? Probably not, but then again, I'm not sure because I haven't been presented with that situation again, yet....I would prefer not to ever be presented with a message from the back of my mind that loudly, again, or at least for a very long time.
Within a few days after my arrival, all of who I know in the area came together and took me to the beach for a few hours. Though I was tired beyond belief, I had a wonderful time at the beach, surrounded by 2 people I have known since childhood, and another whom I have known for 15 years. That beach trip, in my opinion, was the ice breaker to my new beginning of life, chapter 2. It was time to happen, I have been through more than enough hell, and I will remember that day at the beach as long as my memory will allow me to recall how good it felt to make a toast, with all involved, to a new beginning.
I still don't know, 100%, if I will be living here or not. What I do know, 100%, is that I will not live in Tennessee, again....at least not in Knoxville. For now, Pensacola is being an incredibly welcoming community and I have already met a few people here. I have a feeling I will like it, here. I hope the feeling will continue. This is now 23 moves in 25 years. My body and mind are so tired, but I am so ready to begin filling up the last half of my life with good memories, great friends, laughter to echo through my mind, peace and happiness, and love for all.
So, here is a repeat of the post title and I mean it: Goodbye, Tennessee! Hello, Florida!
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