Am I happy about it? You could say that this year, I don't have much of a choice. The longer it stays daylight outside, the better of a chance my movers (whoever they may be) will have to get everything moved from point a to point b and not have to start so early in the morning.
I began pulling more things out of the basement and found even more things which were completely cool. Luckily, this time, I wasn't upset by the findings nor did I suffer a blackout from hysterics. Hopefully, that is out of the way for now.
I'm beginning to think that my mind has a device which has probably always been there for self preservation, but becoming a widow has given this device every reason to sharpen its horns. It's something I could say is a blessing from years past; I handle myself well under pressure and fall apart afterwards, but only because I stop and think what all has happened. Writing about it doesn't seem to bother me, which could be a clear indicator that I'm correct about this device. If it's helping me step across what is potentially a black hole (and my friends are certainly more of a help than they realize), I feel that's all the proof I need for it to be real.
Anyway, here it is...now 3:30 AM and I've already had my 3-4 hours sleep. I'm now drinking my coffee in the middle of the night. I tried, for the first time in weeks, to sleep in my own bed and that was a complete waste of time which did nothing but piss me off. It seems that another device, called 'detachment', is currently working against any possibility of me sleeping in bed until after I'm moved. My lower back and neck aren't too happy about this, but they will have to deal with it. If either decide to give me attitude, I'll have to take some pain medications and go on with the program.
As for the 'Poor pitiful me' section of the post title: I don't get down on myself very often, mainly because I know full well how good I have it, in spite of what all has happened. I have a roof, one running car and three others to choose from if the one breaks down, plenty of furniture, more than enough decorations, framed artwork, books, too much audio equipment (though I feel that one can never have enough records, CDs or tapes), tons of cookware, the desire to cook, the knowledge on how to cook, and the sensibility to buy food which can be cooked way ahead of time, portioned correctly for the refrigerator and freezer, etc etc etc. So, when I rarely do try to get down on myself, I half to take into consideration ALL of the gifts that were given to me when I was able to start my life over. In fact, there is one gift I forgot to mention: The ability to trust in the fact that love still exists and I simply have to wait for it, unless it's not in the cards for me. Only time will tell.
As for all these gifts and poor pitiful me, as a whole, I put all of that in my corner and look to a place (at the current time) called Japan. As much as I detest any and all forms of 24 hour news, I have been switching back and forth between those channels, along with a few online sources, eliminating their spin and deducing the rest. The result is me realizing that when it comes to those people and their current perils, the likes which people in the United States couldn't possibly know, I've never had it so good, all considered.
I know where my better half is (still waiting on that tombstone!), and so many of those people don't even know where their own children are. People in the United States take so much for granted. Most people here are so complacent, desensitized to everything unless a problem is immediately in their faces, etc, that they don't seem to learn lessons which present the opportunity to learn, time and again. I don't get why that is, but it shouldn't take more than a couple of tragic situations resulting in death for people to put certain values in their proper place. I'm not talking about morals. That's up to the individual. But the fact remains that you cannot put a pricetag on a human life and once again, here we sit and learn that same lesson over and over again....that is, if we learn.
It seems we learned absolutely nothing from what happened in Haiti, more than a year ago. It's a third world country, corrupt to the core, but that shouldn't stop us as humans from reaching out. Instead, I heard far too many people complaining about how much money had gone there. The main problem with supplies, at least in the beginning, was lack of organization. Take the money, hire some people who understand how to coordinate, and get the ball rolling instead of complaining. But that same natural disaster takes place in Japan, perhaps the most advanced country on earth (not the richest, but certainly the most advanced), and we are sending 10 of our military ships there with aid. What's wrong with this picture, in contrast to Haiti? Didn't Haiti lose at least 300,000 people? I wouldn't call that population control.
I have no doubt that Japan will lose a few thousand of theirs, but we are ALL UP in their business and ready to prop them up at any cost, even though they are still recovering from 2 decades of a bad economy, deflation, and now the possibility of a nuclear meltdown. I suppose comparing Haiti to Japan isn't the best of examples due to the variables involved. But in the end, we are STILL talking about human life.
This post has certainly been a rambling, to say the least. I hope you weren't too disappointed by it, but I will reiterate yet again that I'm going to speak my mind with conviction and candor.
So much to ponder at 4:00 AM (tick tock). Back to coffee, for now.
Peace and love to all from Paul....and Juan Valdez.
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