When my mind decides to do that, I have learned to take advantage of what good thoughts and ideas come through. For years, I ignored them or allowed time to consume them, forgetting them within a few hours. I have done it....probably longer than I want to admit. As for Insomnia, I know how far back that one goes...
I can remember, at 6 years old, slowly creeping out of bed. Dad snored like crazy and mom's snore sounded like a bumble bee in the distance. I learned to move while they were snoring and stop when they weren't. By doing that, I made it into the living room without trouble. Then, the trouble began from there.
I remember turning on the tv and no matter how low I tried to keep the volume, I did want to be able to hear it. Nonetheless, eventually the sound of "MARY HARTMAN!!! MARY HARTMAN!!!" would bounce off the living room walls, and immediately wake mom up. Within a split second, she would say (and I can still hear it), "Sam turn that filthy mess off and get in the bed. I will NOT have that on in this house!"
Of course, by then, I was already back in bed. It's not like I wanted her to actually get out of bed to tell me how she really felt. I think the point was clearly made from where she was.
By the time I was able to have a tv in my room, I remember turning all the lights out and waiting....with headphones from the stereo blasting, until enough time had passed when I knew mom and dad were asleep. From there, I would turn on the tv, which already had an earplug plugged into it, and I would put the pillow at the foot of the bed, then begin watching anything that was on. It was comfort, I suppose. Because truthfully, I couldn't sleep.
As time went on and I moved into my own place and began working at one place or the other, the Insomnia didn't happen as often. When you party on a nightly basis, those substances will usually promote sleep (albeit not a full and bodily satisfying rest).
The new of doing that wore off, and some of the substances began to backfire, causing me to either not be able to sleep, or I only slept for a few hours and was up again. My eyes felt like someone poored glue into them, but my mind was ready to go.
Bring the calendar only a few years beyond Jack's medical hell and sleeping only a few hours a night became the norm. No matter what time I finally went to sleep, I was still up between 5:30 and 6:00 AM. No alarm clock needed. It just happened.
Even when I visited family and friends, that habit followed me and it drove my family and friends half nuts. But, I couldn't help it then and I certainly can't help it now.
Some of us are simply tortured in that way. We sleep good for several days, then we're up and unable to sleep more than a couple of hours for what seems like a week.
Since Jack passed, I can count on one hand, exactly, the number of times I have actually slept in my own bed rather than passing out in the recliner....and don't get me wrong....I'm not talking about passing out drunk or high on anything. Yes, I use a few things when I get writers block. But, I'm not in my 20s, anymore. I have to draw the line on how much of a fool I can be, right?
Narcolepsy is also a hurdle in the road of trying to sleep anywhere close to what would be normal (normal has no place in my life).
It is said that about 80% of adults in the United States don't get the 7-8 hours of sleep that they should, and I believe it. We're either worked half to death or we're worried half to death, or we're like me....a little of both, be it from years ago or half then and half now, with a little more in the future and we know it.
So yes, here I am. My eyes are at the point of needing duct tape or toothpicks to keep them open. At the same time, even as I type this, there are (honestly) about 4 things going through my mind as I type. Sometimes, I wonder how that's even possible....but I don't wonder about it for very long because I have been like this for most of my life, I'm pretty much used to it.
I may as well embrace this because it causes my mind the ability to toss around fresh ideas without booze or meds, and I know to take advantage of these times. If I didn't, you wouldn't be reading most of what's here.
All hail Insomnia!
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